August 27, 2018
Waving from the back door, I watched my two oldest walk down the sidewalk and head off for their first days of high school and middle school. I waved a little longer than usual, trying to savor the moment. One of them put down the window in the minivan and waved with smirk. Somehow it came off as if I was some adoring fan longing to be acknowledged by a celebrity as he drove by in his limo.
Just a few weeks ago, I could. not. wait. for school to start. They had driven me to the point of craziness. Arguing with each other. Abadoning half-peeled oranges on the counter and dried up bowls of spaghettios in the sink. Scrambling at the eleventh hour to finish summer reading assignments. Leaving a trail of socks and supply lists througout the house.
Yet on that first school morning, I longed for a pause button. Because that nauseating cliche is so true. “It goes so fast.” Faster than I could have thought. Regardless of how many been-there-done-that moms warned me. It’s flying.
I can recall nearly every detail of dropping off Camden for kindgergarten. His little white tennis shoes. His NASCAR backpack. His eyes so full of tears. Now the tears have moved to my eyes. He’s traipsing off to high school in shoes nearly the size of his daddy’s with a backpack filled with Latin and Biology textbooks.
It doesn’t seem so long ago that I was thinking I couldn’t handle four more minutes of his infant cries. Or those long four hours between lunch and the moment Daddy would walk in the back door to offer relief. Now I’m staring ahead at the next four years hoping that they’ll be four really long, really good years.
I’m not wishing for the years back. I’m not longing for diapers and toddIer tantrums. I love watching my boys grow. But I do already wished I would have paused more. Savored more.
Mamas, it’s tough. I know. I’ve been there. I’m still there. It’s incredibly tempting to want to get to the next thing. To hurry up and make it to a time that seems easier.
Let’s just be sure we take plenty of the sweetness from each stage, each age, to the next one with us. Slow down and enjoy those faces and freckles as they look up at us.
Take it from a mama who’s no longer staring eye to eye with her little guy.